My husband is verbally mean to me. What can I do about it?
Often, people are verbally abusive with derogatory statements, insults and negativity because of personal feeling of inadequacy. Some people truly believe that the only time they can look good is when the others around them look bad. I can think of a specific personal instance in which a friend of mine married a man who always put her down in public. My immediate reaction was always that his actions made him look small and quite inferior.
The Bible speaks to this matter by saying, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1). It also says, "A wholesome tongue is a tree of life" (Proverbs 15:4). While you are not to become a doormat, you are also not to respond in kind to your spouse’s methods. This may seem unfair and also unreasonable. But, if you know Jesus Christ as your personal Savior, then you know what He went through without speaking even one harsh word to his accusers. Read the
account in Mark 14-5 and in Luke 22-23.
It would be very valuable for you to find some quiet and calm moments when you can speak frankly with your husband. It is possible that he does not know the way you feel when he speaks to you the way that he does. He may not even realize that he does it. He might not repent and admit his faults, but your words may lodge in his heart so that the next time he finds himself speaking abusively to you, they will come to his mind.
Communication is vital in a healthy marriage and it takes time and dedication. Read 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, and Ephesians 5:28-29. Another good step is to seek some Christian counseling through either a pastor or a marriage and family counselor. It is imperative that the counselor be a Christian, though. Too many therapists these days consider rushing to divorce as the only option. A Christian counselor should have the health rather than the dissolution of your marriage as the primary focus.
This is a good time to evaluate your relationship with the Lord. Have you trusted your life into His care? Have you accepted His free gift of salvation? Are you trying to live your life according to the guidelines of His Word? When a husband and wife are truly seeking to honor Christ in both their personal lives and in their marriage, they do not want to hurt each other; but instead, they want to encourage and support each other. Let God shape your lives as you serve Him together.
